Growing up, I had the perfect example of what a relationship should be like - my parents. But, being lost in my own world most of the time, I hardly noticed. My first serious boyfriend and first kiss came at the age of 12. It didn't last long. He wanted to do boyfriend stuff, like holding hands all the time. He was like a little burr, always around me. (So I'll just call him "Burr" for future reference.) I had personal space issues, and Burr was just too present, constantly in my space. All I wanted to do was stay in my room and write stories. I ended the relationship and after a fight left without telling him we were moving.
We moved 1,300 km away from Secunda to Mossel Bay. We arrived on my 13th birthday, and what a birthday gift that was - to be able to live by the ocean! I started reading - up to two books a day. They were all romantic novels. These books shaped my perception of what romantic relationships should be. You can probably guess the problem: I could never understand why I'd meet a guy and then he'd want nothing to do with me. The reason was probably that whenever I liked someone, I'd constantly pick a fight with him - like in those storybooks. By the time I was 19, I finally figured out that picking fights with a guy you like is not normal behavior!
After finishing school, I had my first serious boyfriend since Burr - he resembled a young David Hasselhoff. I lost a friend because he picked me instead of her, and I constantly felt like an imposter. I could not understand why he picked me. Apart from that, my personal space issues caused me to become so stressed that I just snapped one day and, out of the blue, threw a small futon at him. It missed and flew out the front door. Our relationship lasted three months, and I was immensely relieved when he moved away.
While working at Saddles, I reconnected with an old school friend who happened to look like a young John Travolta. He took me on a date - a romantic picnic on the beach. We danced in the shallow water, and then he kissed me. I started laughing. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop. I had no idea what was wrong with me - it didn't even occur to me that I was having some sort of stress reaction to someone invading my personal space! He took me home, and I didn't hear from him again.
Meanwhile, at the restaurant, there was a new waiter. The first time I saw him, my first thought was: "Thank God I don't have to marry him!" One night at work, while I was licking my wounds over Travolta guy, the new waiter came up to me and said: "Hi, I'm Paul." That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. We were inseparable from the start and soon started dating. He was able to cross into my personal space without me freaking out. Being close to him felt completely natural. I later learned that it took him two weeks to build up the courage to talk to me. I was stunned - what?! He was afraid of little old me?! He was this funny, charismatic guy, and being with him gave me the courage to be around the other waiters. For the first time, I sat with them instead of just hovering nearby, and I even joined in their conversations.
A month after we started dating, I received an acceptance letter from a college in Cape Town to study for a national diploma in foreign languages. I couldn't even remember applying to this college. But the caveat was that I had a week to get there. My mother went to our bank to find out about a study loan. The bank didn't offer full study loans, so we went to another bank. This bank offered a full study loan, with accommodation expenses and a monthly allowance. They assured my mother they could help and requested a credit check from our bank. We left, I quit my job, and temporarily moved back in with my parents.
But when we returned the next day to finish the process, the bank informed my mother that the manager had changed his mind. They would only give me the loan if my parents agreed to move all their accounts and overdrafts to this bank. They refused, and so this opportunity went as fast as it came.
I went back to the restaurant to ask for my job back, and when I got there, Paul blocked me from entering. He simply told me that I'd learned everything I needed to learn from being a waitress - it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life and find a better job.
So I did - at a pizzeria.