I wrote this story, and despite my best intentions, I couldn’t stick to the 30-minute timeframe. But, nonetheless, here it is.
I pride myself on being extremely client-centric and always aim to please. However, I also recognize that one inevitably cannot be all things to all men. I learned early on to evaluate the compatibility between myself and a client. My problem is that if one client consistently upsets my equilibrium, it affects my productivity and ultimately negatively impacts my other clients. So, in the rare cases where I determine that a client and I will have a persistently stressful relationship, I refer them to another reputable web development company. This company once phoned me and asked why I was referring my clients to them. I was caught off guard and gave a vague answer, but I think they eventually figured it out.
But one time, 10 years ago, I did not follow my rules or enforce my boundaries. The client was a referral from another client. He worked full-time and was starting a part-time online business. I made it clear to him that I was studying at night and had a set routine. After 5 p.m., I would relax, eat, and spend time with my son until 6 p.m. After that, I focused on studying and completing university assignments. Things went well at first.
Then he started contacting me at 8 p.m. or 10 p.m. Once, while I was on an important two-hour phone call with my mother-in-law, he kept trying to call. Around midnight, I received a furious message because he couldn’t reach me. He insisted that I be available after hours since his day job kept him busy during the day and 8 p.m. onward was the only time he had to work on his startup. I felt for the client, made an exception, and told him I would be available for absolutely necessary consultations until 10 p.m. It didn’t even occur to me to charge for after-hours consultations. I finished his website, but we couldn’t launch it until he had all the legal requirements and documents in place. So, I waited for several months.
Every year, we close from around the 15th of December to the 15th of January. This is the only time of the year we’re closed. Three months before my scheduled leave, I went through personal trauma and stopped sleeping. I overreacted, took on as much work as I could to avoid sleeping, and slept for at most two hours a night. Even while sleeping, I was still fully aware of my surroundings. The rest of the time, I worked. Eventually, I realized I was in a dangerous place and needed to address the trauma. I just needed several hours to myself, the beach, and time for prayer. So, I decided to close early, at the beginning of December, after completing all my projects.
A week before my leave - on a Saturday afternoon - after not hearing from him for months, this client sent me a Word document with website changes that would take at least three weeks. I emailed him to explain that I was over capacity and about to go on leave in a week. I also told him I was already only sleeping two hours a night, so I didn’t have after-hours availability to help. I assured him that I would take on the updates first thing in January when we re-opened.
The client was furious. He sent me an email trying to play on my emotions. Then he told me that my lack of sleep was not his problem and insisted I make his changes before going on leave. He demanded I postpone other projects until January because he mistakenly reasoned he had been my client first.
This triggered a complete burnout, and for the first time in my life, I got furious with a client. An unpleasant exchange of emails followed, and I did not hold back. I finished my projects and went on leave. During my time off, I sought help to process my trauma and was diagnosed with Asperger’s (Autism Spectrum Disorder). When we re-opened in January, I completed this client’s updates free of charge to apologize for my anger in our exchanges, but then I politely asked him to find another web developer.
So, what went wrong?
I had established clear boundaries about my availability, but I did not consistently enforce them. By making exceptions for this client, I inadvertently communicated that my boundaries were negotiable. This set a precedent for the client to continually push for more accommodations, undermining my ability to maintain control over the relationship.
My empathy overrode my professionalism. While empathy is a strength, in this case, it led me to prioritize the client’s needs over my well-being. By not charging for after-hours work and allowing his demands to disrupt my schedule, I undervalued my time and expertise.
When the client began making unreasonable demands, I should have had an assertive conversation about mutual expectations and respect. Delaying early confrontation allowed the issue to escalate.
Taking on excessive work to cope with personal trauma left me physically and emotionally depleted, impairing my ability to manage stress and client relationships effectively. This made it harder to approach the situation calmly when the client’s behavior became unreasonable.
The exchange of angry emails, while understandable, escalated the conflict. Even though I later apologized, this response likely reinforced the client’s frustration and sense of entitlement.
What you should learn from me:
- Set and enforce boundaries consistently.
- Formalize client expectations with contracts or service agreements that clearly outline timelines, deliverables, and acceptable communication hours.
- Do not avoid confrontation - handle early red flags assertively.
- Prioritize self-care - regularly assess your workload and personal needs to avoid reaching a breaking point.
- Separate personal and professional dynamics. While it’s natural to empathize, maintaining a degree of professional detachment helps prevent emotional investment that could cloud decision-making.
- Learn to say 'No.'