Imposter Syndrome. You've probably heard of it. Recently, I followed social media conversations about it and discovered that most developers experience it. But what causes it, and how do you deal with it?
If you're struggling with Imposter Syndrome, you're likely a perfectionist who strives to master everything in your field. This isn't inherently bad. However, in a rapidly evolving industry like tech, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and left behind by the constant changes. It’s simply not possible to know everything!
Social media doesn’t help either. In my experience, it’s easy to get lost in conversations and feel small among peers in the face of an overwhelming flow of knowledge and information. The key is not to feel threatened when someone seems more knowledgeable than you. It’s not a flaw; it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.
I often questioned my own expertise and abilities, especially because I worked in isolation for so long. I chose to isolate myself due to professional jealousy, but when I finally joined the social media conversation, I felt completely overwhelmed. For me, however, Imposter Syndrome had an even more personal root cause.
When my son was young, I applied for a junior PHP developer position. At the time, my expertise lay in Joomla and developing Joomla plugins in PHP. I was upfront about considering myself a junior developer because of my long isolation and limited exposure - I only knew concepts that I had worked with. However, the company reasoned that, based on my years of experience, I was likely underestimating myself. They wanted to instead offer me a senior position, expecting me to mentor junior developers.
As part of the hiring process, they gave me an online test. It was locked down - I wasn’t allowed to use an IDE, refer to PHP documentation, or access any resources. The test had a tight time limit to discourage cheating. I failed miserably. I simply didn’t know concepts I hadn’t worked with before. If they had given me a problem to solve and allowed me to use the resources at my disposal, I’m confident I would have passed. But that wasn’t the nature of the test. It felt like they expected me to know the entire PHP manual by heart!
The company informed the recruitment agency that I couldn’t code. I never heard from the agency again, and since then, I’ve suffered from severe Imposter Syndrome. Even though I transitioned from Joomla to October CMS and Laravel, continually learning and growing, I often fail to recognize my progress. All I see is what I don’t know. I even tried to memorize the entire PHP manual, but it was impossible! At times, I wish I had a photographic memory so I could internalize all the manuals and access them at will.
My brother and I recently had a long discussion about this, and he said something that resonated deeply: You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. It’s impossible to know everything, and if you’re never in a place where you don’t know something, you’re not learning. You learn and you grow.
So, onward, fellow perfectionists. We’re not lost. We’re simply on a journey of discovery, learning, and growing.
Here’s to embracing the unknown and growing through it!