I am a perpetual overthinker. I am constantly questioning myself, my choices, my life, and overthinking just about everything. I will overthink a problem, map out every possible scenario and outcome, and prepare for it. My contingencies have contingencies. Being an overthinker certainly doesn't help when you encounter people who question your choices and impose their own opinions on you. This is something that nearly cost me dearly.
After I started working for the pizzeria, Paul got a new job at a nearby beachside restaurant. Every day before his shift, he would pass by the pizzeria and order a Coke on his way to work. My bosses did not like him. At all. They told me he made them uncomfortable and asked me to tell him to please not come to the pizzeria anymore.
Immediately, this triggered my overthinking, and I was constantly wondering what they were seeing that I was not. Then the manager told me that we were an odd couple and that we did not fit together. I started questioning everything about our relationship and started to look for signs that would explain why everyone was against him. In the end, I came to the conclusion that they must be right, even though I could not see it, so I broke off the relationship. I sent him a "Dear John" letter; I didn't even have the courage to talk to him directly. After reading the letter, he stopped by the pizzeria. Because he was not allowed inside, he just stood by the door and looked at me. I will never forget his pain-stricken face. Then he just walked away.
Soon after that, my father insisted I quit my job at the pizzeria because they required me to drive the staff home late at night to dangerous areas - a woman alone in an unreliable car. I got a new job as an assistant in a video store, while Paul got a new job as an IT technician. Despite our relationship status, we formed an attachment that persisted, and we've remained close. We started going to weekly movies as friends. When I worked night shifts, he would keep me company to make sure I stayed safe. On my off weekends, I would stay over at his parents' house.
Despite our close friendship, we both started seeing other people, and they did not exactly like our friendship. For my 20th birthday, I had a few friends over for a fondue. My date stood me up at the last minute, and when Paul showed up with his date, things felt a bit awkward. At one point, he and one of our friends entertained us with their hilarious rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody," and his date dryly remarked that he was embarrassing her. I immediately disliked her and spent the rest of the evening fuming because she did not "understand" him.
A few days later, his parents called a meeting between us and told us that we were too close and that our friendship was inappropriate. They said we were holding each other back and that we needed to give each other space. This did not sit well with us. The next day, he phoned me and asked me what I thought about his parents' view, and I told him:
"Well, I guess we'll just have to start dating again."